Bitter Woman Syndrome

You have been dumped and there is no pretty way to put it. You feel betrayed, used, discarded even. You have a permanent searing frown etch into the corners of your brow. Your softer side is purposely hidden...You will not be underestimated again. You are in warrior mode.

You are rude, blunt, you cut other drivers off. Give your heart again, it is absolutely laughable. You will be the heart breaker. Stress is etched in your temperament. You are ice, stone, you will not be broken, not again.

You are ready to go toe to toe with any contender. The opponent is everybody and everybody is the opponent. Men are disgusting pigs. There are no good ones left.

You are officially the bitter woman...

Preserve Your Sanity

I use to think that self-care and pampering were reserved for rich, elite, Caucasian housewives with nothing but time on their hands. My happiness was not a factor in the equation I called my marriage. Duty to my "role" and loyalty to "the job" was my main concern. When I "performed" well I felt exhilarated.When I "failed" I felt like regular pond scum. My joy was in giving and doing, as long as it was not for myself.

There is a book written by Neffe called "My Happiness is My Sanity". That is my new motto. If I could personalize it I would say "Preserve your sanity". How happy you are is totally up to you. Being happy starts with self-love. Self-love start with self-care. Self-care comes when you gradually silence the inner critic that says that you are not enough, that you are inadequate. The voice that compares you to others instead of yourself. Finding that inner motivation to encourage and drive your own well-being.

What is happiness? Happiness is a state of mind. It can range from contentment to joy. It is God's will for us to live in perpetual happiness and contentment. As adults we often ponder at the contentment we see in children. Infants are mostly content when their basic necessities are met. As we grow we develop the phenomenon of greed. It is only when be began to desire more that we become unhappy. Unhappiness comes when we feel that our needs are not being met. Compounded unhappiness can lead to depression. Untreated depression leads to major depression. Major depression can lead to a place I call "Mental Hell" or insanity.

If we can simplify our desires and learn to look within for the things that we seek, all of our desires are granted. It is then that you realize how to make all of the desires of your mind come to life. There is a great adage that i am learning to live by "Be to yourself, what you are looking for from others". This simply means that the kindness, love , respect, tenderness, and affection that you lavish on others, take time to lavish also on yourself. Write yourself a love letter, pamper yourself with healing baths, herbal teas, clay masks, and nourishing hair treatments. Make love to yourself. Not because you deserve it. The love we lavish on others is not necessarily because the deserve it, but because "they are".

These things are paramount to your wholeness as a woman, a human being, a spirit. Relish in them, for in it is also your mental well-being....

The Exam

The name of this blog is dedicated to the wisdom of my little brother. A situation when roles reversed and the teacher becomes the student.

He said, "In every situation there's a lesson and the next situation you come upon that's similar to it is sorta like your exam...

You got to use what you learned from your previous situation to pass your exam...stay with me...
Now I'm pretty sure you've been here before and I know you feel horrible and I'm right there with ya.. but what notes did you throw away from your previous situation that helped you fail this time around? I feel, liking someone so much that you dont wanna except what type of person they are is like putting on a blind fold and ear plugs and going to class...

This was so profound to me that it knocked me right out of my seat. What notes did I throw away? And I began to think. How does this relate to all my previous relationships? What should I be learning about myself so that I do not repeat the same mistakes over and over?

I thought on a even deeper level. Life in itself is an exam. A quest to find a place of balance peace and so that we can find the higher levels of who we are. It is not the grade that is so important but the information that you retain from the lessons.

Think about it. Stay tuned....